Compassion Radar

*The following article is an excerpt from Mikayla Briggs' book Love, Learn, Grow and was written during her college years

New students and families. Undergrads moving in. People buying textbooks and finalizing their schedules.  It was a scene of glorious chaos at Hope College as everyone settled into a new semester.

After morning classes, I decided to attend the chapel service to unwind and spend time with God. Upon walking into the narthex of the building, the realization hit that I didn’t have anyone to sit with, as none of my close friends could attend that morning

Now a few years older, I really couldn’t care less if I showed up to an event by myself, but having been nineteen at the time and believing the world revolved around me, sitting alone stirred up feelings of discomfort and awkwardness. I visually swept the aisles and saw a girl, likely close in age, sitting toward the back by herself.

I’ll sit with her, I thought.  What a great opportunity to potentially make a new friend and not look alone in the process! I ambled over and asked if I could sit with her. With little emotion
and not much of a smile, she said it was fine. As I sat next to her, we began a conversation consisting of the typical, small talk questions a college student asks: 

“What’s your major? Where are you from? Where are you living?” 

She answered each of my questions: short and sweet, a reply that gave an answer but certainly didn’t suggest she wanted to extend the conversation further.

Now, one thing you need to know about me is that I. Am. An. Introvert.  I love talking to and meeting new people, but it takes a lot of mental energy for me to interact with others.  It becomes especially difficult to carry on a conversation without reciprocity from my communication partner.  So, this particular conversation had high potential to zap my mental energy.

Being the way that I am, I began to internalize her behavior and wonder if I had said or done something wrong to cause her to be short with me.

What did I say?
Did I offend her?
Do I smell?

Every possible thought went through my mind!

I tried to keep the dialogue alive, but it became clear (at least in my mind) that she wanted nothing to do with me.  We sat through the rest of the service silently, sang worship songs, and listened to the sermon. But before leaving, she uttered a few final words that made the entire situation clear. She turned to me with a weak smile on her face and said:

“Thanks for not making me feel invisible.”

As human beings, we have a habit of making things about ourselves. We can so easily internalize the behavior of others and think “What did I do wrong? Did I say something? Do they think I’m weird?” In actuality, it often has nothing to do with us.  Rather, it may have something to do with adversity in his or her own life.

In my story, I spent the whole time internalizing the girl’s behavior and making it personal, thinking I had done something wrong.  The whole time, her behavior was related to her own significant battle that was unknown to me.

Perhaps this story strikes a chord with you. Maybe you can identify with this line of thinking. Don’t worry; you’re not alone.

This “everything is about me” thinking is dangerous, because it makes our actions more significant than they really are. More than that, it blinds us from viewing the burdens others carry. In actuality, people live incredibly difficult and complex lives of their own that are independent of our actions. 

When we’re stuck focusing on ourselves, there is no room for anything else—no room for considering the feelings or life story of another. In this way, it becomes more difficult to find opportunities to serve and love other people, because our focus lies in tending to our own reputations. 

That day, I was challenged to retune what I like to call my “compassion radar.” This is an innate detector in all people that senses when someone else is facing adversity in life. When our compassion radars go off, we’re encouraged to step outside of ourselves and uplift those around us.

The second greatest commandment Jesus gives His followers is to “love your neighbor as yourself,” which I’ve found difficult to do when I’m wrapped up in how others perceive me.
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Friends, I encourage you to step outside your own skin and into the shoes of someone else today. You will be amazed by how God uses you to work in another’s life. Go out into the world with your compassion radar on and ready and see what happens.

Questions for Reflection

1. Can you think of an instance in which your compassion radar was tuned well?  What happened?
2. Can you think of an instance in which your compassion radar could have been better tuned?  What happened?  What would you have done differently?
3. Have you ever fallen into the trap of “it’s all about me?”  If so, did you find that it influenced your ability to give others compassion and grace? (No judgment, here!)

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Photocred: Unsplash