How to Make Dealing with Difficult People Fun

"Sometimes smiling and being nice is the best approach for dealing with difficult people. Muster up all the inner peace you can and try to be kind." ~Unknown

Back in December, my mother and I stopped at a Barnes & Noble cafe to enjoy holiday Starbucks drinks. My mom walked up to the front to order while I stayed behind at our table, studying for final exams (now the semester is starting up again; why does Christmas break always go so fast?). An older couple stood in front of her ordering their drinks. 

Right away, my mother noticed the couple’s impatience directed toward the cashier. They became irked at minuscule inconveniences that were entirely out of the cashier’s control. It didn’t take a mind-reader to notice the worker’s clear distress that intensified with the couple’s exasperation. I think most people would observe this situation and immediately think: “Gosh, what a rude couple!” and allow it to affect their moods. I’m sure I would have.

My mother, on the other hand, took a beautiful and unexpected divergence from the status quo. As she later described to me, she decided to challenge herself at that moment to make the couple smile and laugh. Rather than ignore them and become bothered by their behavior, she said to herself: “Wow, this couple really seems to be having a bad day. I’m sure that’s why they’re acting unnecessarily rude.  Let’s see what we can do about that.”

When the cashier called out our names, my mother ambled up to the counter to grab our drinks and just so happened to run into the older woman. Once again, she grumbled to the cashier about something out of her control. My mother took that opportunity to spark up a conversation and find some common ground, which ended in the older woman smiling and even allowing a laugh to slip out.

When my mom retold this story, it touched my heart and also faced me with a challenge. When I come across difficult people, what do I do? Do I roll my eyes in callous dismissal? Or do I extend grace and recognize their behavior likely stems from a bad day or personal trough?

It poses a challenging question: How should we deal with difficult people? I believe Ephesians 4:32 offers a beautiful action plan: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Christianity has taught me to offer others grace rather than quickly jump to conclusions. My mother modeled this for me as well. She encouraged me to look past surface-level behavior and dive deeper into the why behind it all. Rather than allow others’ negative behaviors to change my perception, my mother challenged me to change their perceptions with my encouraging behavior.

When I come across difficult people now, I see it less as an inconvenience and more of an opportunity for a challenge or game. What are some ways in which we can take on this challenge?

1. Compliment the person. You never know what others are going through.  They may struggle with confidence or self-esteem and a genuine compliment can mean the world. Compliments have a way of sticking with us. If you’re having a particularly difficult day years down the road, kind words have a way of making their way to the forefront of your mind and brightening your day for the second time.
2. Start a conversation. It’s amazing what a simple conversation can do. Having someone make intentional eye contact and listen without interrupting can mean a lot. So often we plan out our own responses while our communication partner articulates theirs. When we do this, we’re not really there in the moment (and I honestly think people can see through it too). When in conversation with a difficult person, make meaningful eye contact and really listen to what they have to say. It’s amazing how the simple act of listening can make another feel seen. Being seen has a way of lightening one’s heart.
3. Pay for their coffee or meal. It’s a small gesture that goes a long way. Have you ever gone through the drive-thru at a fast-food restaurant, rolled up to the window, and had the cashier inform you that the car in front paid for your meal? It’s practically impossible for something like this not to make your day brighter. Try it for someone else (particularly a difficult person who could really use a pick-me-up) and see what happens!

When you meet a difficult person (believe me, they’re out there), challenge yourself and see if you can make that individual smile or laugh within five minutes. If you can, treat yourself to a warm beverage from Starbucks. 

Approaching difficult people in this way becomes far more enjoyable. Who knows? Perhaps it will even result in a positive outcome. Journey into your day, find that difficult person, and do what you can to make him or her smile. Friends, let the games begin!

Questions for Reflection

1. Think of a time when you encountered a difficult person. What could you have done to flip the situation around and make him or her smile?
2. Have you ever been a difficult person for someone else? What could he or she have done to positively impact your mood?
3. Add to the list above. What are some ways you can think of to “make the day” of a difficult person?

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Photocred: Unsplash