 “It’s so unusual, it’s frightening. You see right through the mess inside me.” ~Tauren Wells During my childhood, I tried really hard to be a prankster. I was utterly terrible at it. Jumping around corners and trying to scare people usually ended up scaring me, and attempting various gags often turned the “prank karma” in my direction. One thing I did perfect, however, was feigning sleep. On lazy days during my childhood, sometimes I’d find myself lying on the couch when my mom or dad arrived home from running errands. Hearing the garage door open and the car pulling in subsequently activated my “trickster radar.” For some reason, I found it amusing to “pretend sleep” when my parents walked in. This way, I could act as a fly on the wall and eavesdrop on conversations (because no one ever accuses a sleeping suspect). It’s safe to say that my childlike nature is very much alive. Thus, I’ve still maintained this aspect of my childhood. Even at the age of twenty-four, a mischievous temptation fills me whenever I have an opportunity to give the appearance of sleep in order to trick someone. One day, I laid down in my bed with the intention of taking a short nap. This time, I actually looked asleep—eyes closed, head propped comfortably on a pillow, and blanket tucked snugly around my body. Then, my father ascended the stairs and made his way to my room. At that moment, prank fever overcame me. As he approached, I kept completely still, hoping to fool him into thinking I was actually asleep. Then, he began to speak to me: “That’s not going to work on me,” he stated with a triumphant chuckle. I grunted in playful irritation, “How did you know?” Then, my dad responded with a seemingly simple comment. “Easy. I knew you before you knew you.” Perhaps he only intended to give a straightforward explanation for why he knew I faked it, but to me, his words acted as a reminder of the wonders of being truly known by someone who loves you. It also came to my attention that the love God feels for us isn’t all that different. God knows every aspect of ourselves, even the parts we don’t know! He knows us before we take our first breaths. He knits us together in our mothers’ wombs and witnesses every fired nerve impulse, every heartbeat, and every thought that enters our minds. I don’t think we appreciate just how cool that is! He acknowledges both our saintly and sinful attributes and continues to love and pursue us regardless. Like my earthly father, our Heavenly Father sees through our hearts and intentions when we try to fake it. Do you ever have moments when you pretend you’re at a place you haven’t yet reached? It could be financial, occupational, emotional, or spiritual. Maybe you try to pass off being more financially secure than in reality. Perhaps you convince yourself you’re ready for a romantic relationship when you actually need more time to grow. Or maybe you pretend you’re in a more mature spiritual place than in actuality. At one point or another in our lives, we’ve all tried to fake it and pretend we were somewhere beyond our current circumstances. We may try to fool God, but He’s more perceptive than we often give Him credit for. God knows who we really are and never stops loving us. Maybe it's time to lean into it. Like the song by Tauren Wells states, sometimes it’s frightening to be fully known by someone. But, that’s usually because we fear others will judge us if they know who we really are. With God, that should never be a worry. Even having known all of the ways in which we would forsake Him, God still gave His Son for us. Now, whenever I hear that tiny voice in the back of my head that tells me to hide from the world, a new voice enters and affirms what has always been true: “I knew you even before you did.” Questions for Reflection
Photocred: Unsplash
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